"Poppa! Make sure to leave me four of them, okay? That means you get four and that you leave me with four." She waited nervously. I could see the subtle worry in what seemed to me to be initially a inconsequential issue.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay." He responded. He took out one and went to sit down.
Over the course of the rest of the meal Cammie rushed through each and every bite. When Mark would go grab another one, her pace would quicken. She did not want to savor the nourishing food or talk too much. She said she was full (which I always honor) yet I knew that she most likely was not. I urged her to make a decision based on how her body felt. She ate a little bit more and then rushed like a banshee to the big white fridge to secure her prize.
I watched her with curiosity. She ate the first one while fidgeting, her feet swinging back and forth and sometimes she would pulse up and down with her whole body. As she paced with anxiousness she mumbled to the cat but then would not play with the cat because of the misfortune of having to put down the dessert. She finished the first ice cream cake and went for the second. Again, she consumed it with fervor. She went for a third. From an outside perspective it looked as though she was ravenously hungry and incredibly anxiety-ridden. Her behavior was not one of a person savoring a favorite food and giving herself absolute unconditional permission to eat. Something was amiss. Should I stop the cycle and intervene?
When she reached for the fourth I asked her to wait ten minutes and take a bath with me. I explained that sometimes we just need to check in with our body and see if we really want the food right now or if we are trying to fill up something else that is empty besides our stomach. She assured me that she was feeling her body but agreed to hold off for a little bit.
When we took the bath it was time to awaken the intuitive eater.
"Cammie, why do you think that you are so hungry for those ice cream sandwiches? What makes you want to eat all of them?" She stopped her splashing around and thought deeply for a second.
"Well, I guess I am afraid that poppa will eat all of them and I will have none left."
"But Cam, I always tell you there will always be more. We can always buy more and give you more if that is what you want."
"I know but when I saw poppa eating them it made me want to eat all of them, too." With my husband's help I recalled that at a very early age, since Cammie was able to talk she would always preface a meal with one simple phrase: "Tell Momma I need some more?" She wanted to be ensured and comforted that if she were to want more there would be some left for her. I do not know where it came from. It could have been from when I stopped breastfeeding after only three months and no milk substitute seemed to work for her body. During her toddler years I had yet to learn how to cook properly and would prepare quick and thoughtless meals for her and myself. I even have one horrible memory where I was rushing and I forgot to feed her breakfast before dropping her off at pre-school. Whatever the root, this belief of 'not enough' had been triggered and this phrase was spoken the moment the plate hit the table in front of her until she was able to make meals herself.
"How would it feel if we get you play food that is only yours? We would buy play foods for you and poppa separately and you would know that it will always be there for you?"
"Yes! That sounds good."
"Do you think that would help you honor what your body needs because you do not have to worry about something being depleted or taken away?"
"I think that would help a LOT."
The beauty of nutrition is that it takes us deeper and deeper into ourselves. If we are willing to travel there we will find gems and treasures that we did not know we had. Cammie is constantly teaching me that nutrition is so much more than food. Nutrition is the process of us being the artist and food our sculpture. What are we expressing as an artist using the medium of food?
Here is my action plan for working with the above issue of 'not enough':
- Buy play foods for Cammie that are clearly labeled and put in places that she can easily reach. These are off limits to anyone else in the household.
- Do cognitive behavioral therapy with Cammie's old beliefs, replacing them with new ones on her dry erase board upstairs. (I will do a blog on this and take pictures soon!)
- Make sure that there are structured and balanced meals throughout the day! This is HUGE! It does not matter how much a person knows, if they get into red flag hunger it is only inevitable that they will stuff themselves. A vital key to the unconditional permission play foods exercise is to eat these foods when we are neutral with our hunger, not ravenous. A day that is not structured can trigger a cascade of hormones that changes our behavior with food.
- On further inspection she only had the following earlier that day: Half a cup of coconut smoothie for breakfast (and she said she felt very hungry at school immediately after), cheddar sticks for snack, brown rice spaghetti with marinara, and a WHOLE bag of cheese puffs afterschool. Woah. No wonder she had this experience! It is the classic recipe for over eating. Not enough nourishing foods, too much play food and long spans of time without either. If we do not have a nourishing and structured day we tend to gorge ourselves on the play foods to lighten up the heaviness.
Cheers to pleasure-filled eating, knowing it is always available to us!
Nat
Hmmm... I find it interesting that you ask me questions, only for me to find my responses in your blog. I see how it is... Stay tuned for "a day in the life of a guy married to a nutritionist!"
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