Day 33 - Flat Tire Complex

THE FLAT TIRE COMPLEX: When we allow external friction to make or break our day.  

Driving home at a leisurely pace my daughter and I were talking about what play food we were going to get at the grocery store for our slumber party that night. We were both elated. We had been waiting all week for this night; her getting through many days of babysitting by grandma and subsequent boredom while I rushed through the week to finally have a chance to soak in her company.

The same ol' usual storefronts and quaint houses rolled by as pockets of streetlights illuminated Cammie's sparkly t-shirt in rolling waves. As a car passed in the opposite lane the front of a suicide-mission car was revealed right after only inches from my driver's seat door. I could see the two young teenagers in the front seat of the low lying car. I swerved to the right and a crunching impact reverberated through our car. Pulling to a parking space on the side of the street I turned to my daughter.

"You okay?"

"Yes." She mumbled, a bit in shock.

"Stay here." I said, hardly even waiting for her answer, as I catapulted myself out of the car with adrenaline pumping and anger coursing up from my wobbly legs. I approached their door, cussing and making large gestures with my hands. The teenager boy's face was emotionally wounded and apologetic. I heard a hissing sound as he cautiously eased his way out of his vehicle and vehemently apologized. I turned around to see my back left tire was slowly dying. It went flat.

I have been in car accidents before - way worse in scope and potential than this one. In a lot of ways it was not a big deal. Everyone was physically fine and resolution will be easy. For some reason though the rest of the evening was challenging. I could not relax and the tension and sheer anger was affecting my every thought. I could not sleep and now, throughout the day, I have felt like a troll; walking around ready to pounce on anything or anyone.

The Flat Tire Complex is something that everyone of us has experienced. Some event occurred that triggered a cascade of negative emotion so persistent or intense that climbing out of it can seem daunting if not impossible. It is the dynamic of allowing our reaction to an experience influence and affect every moment thereafter. The Flat Tire Complex is essentially dwelling on a feeling of deflated and dis-empowered thinking, instead of processing and letting go.

We all have a Flat Tire Complex weak spot. Perhaps we dwell on creative criticism or a insult given by a stranger. Maybe someone cutting us off in traffic or in line can ruin our whole day. Something as simple as slipping and falling on the way to the car in the morning or an argument with a spouse can set the tone for the rest of the week.

What do we do when, as Bono from U2 says, "we are stuck in a moment that we can't get out of?"

1. Practice the Power of Three Exercise. This is taking the thoughts that were created or conjured up from the negative reaction of the experience and viewing them from a different, more positive perspective. Here are examples of mine this morning with three alternate thoughts to counter it:
1. I am so angry at this idiot.
• Everyone makes mistakes and false judgments. 
• I know loved ones who have been in his exact shoes.
• It must be challenging to be the person at fault. 
2. I am not capable. If I were, this would not have happened.
• I did a great job. I immediately responded by swerving and minimizing impact.
• This was not my fault. 
• I am strong and handled myself very well (potty mouth aside).
2. Distraction: Although distractions during eating are not a good thing - distractions from negative flat tire thinking can be a catalyst for a whole new mood experience. 
1. I called my best friend and vented for three messages.
2. I did 30 push ups and felt my body become strong and grateful.
3. I wrote this blog.
3. Relaxation: The Flat Tire Complex is essentially maintaining a holding pattern of stress. If we can somehow bring ourselves out of the stress cycle we can pump ourselves up. 
1. I consciously began taking deeper breaths. 
2. I did more push ups (this helps me relax for some reason).
3. I closed my eyes and imagined the Italian countryside that we will go to for vacation.
4. Visualization: No matter what feeling you are having in your body there is one simple way to dissolve it. Your brain does not know the difference between when you imagine something and when you are actually physically experiencing it in the hologram of reality (think about how real dreams feel!). Here are two that I employed today.
1. Resolution Visualization: Imagine the situation or experience that you are holding onto becoming resolved. See all people involved smiling, happy and content. It is important to imagine it after the fact and not to get caught up in the details of how it will happen. Just imagine the end product of success. For me it was imagining myself having a new slumber party next week with my daughter with everything behind me. 
2. Rewrite the Main Character Visualization: This one is fun! Rewrite history and imagine that you reacted totally different than you did previously. This is about taking what you have learned and applying it to the situation. This helped me A LOT! I imagined that I was like Jason Bourne in the Bourne Identity, scanning over every headlight and responding subtly with my driving. I was able to maneuver around the chaotic driver before they could interact with my car. I did another rewrite where I still got hit but treated the situation with absolute hilarity. I got out of the car, got the information I needed and then proceeded to ask the man to go get me an ice cream cone. "Do it. Do it." Cammie would totally be the cowboy character saying it behind me.

When you have a really bad day, and you have a bad case of the Flat Tire Complex, nip it in the butt with the above suggestions. And know that someone else has been there.

Nat