Day 37 - Poop Anxiety

I sat on the toilet yesterday taking a poop (do not act surprised, you did it yesterday too!). The bathroom in my office is adjacent to another - and just feet away from the door I could hear the gentlemen rolling his chair on the cement floor as he repaired guitars on a bench just on the other side of the wall. Absolutely any noise (a occasional poof, fart, plop, splash or grunt depending) was going to be heard. I tried to time every sphincter action with the ebb and flow of his movement to cancel out any sound. I had to hold onto what little reputation I had left. Then I thought, what am I doing? Why do I feel so self-conscious about doing something that is not only necessary but healthy and across-the-board normal in every living being? Imagine, a woman who poops! How long has this anxiety been going on?

The first time that my would-be husband stayed the night at my apartment I had to go in the morning. I lay in bed thinking about how I could execute the task without being discovered. I ended up taking an early shower to mask the action.

It seems that every time I enter a bookstore or library I have to go. I am convinced that there is something about looking at shelves of books that signals peristalsis in the intestines. Seriously. I usually have to end up leaving before I am able to truly shuffle through the magnificent stacks of brilliant writing.

In public restroom stalls I would choose the furthest one from the door in the hopes that no one would notice that my feet were immovable while I sat there, waiting. Other women filtered in and out with their polished Mary-Jane shoes, brief tinkles and soon-after-flush, primping their face and hair with a sudden pout-face at the mirror before exiting. Was I the only one that ever had to go? Was this some conspiracy of feminine hygiene taking precedence over a necessary biological function?

Everyone is affected by poop anxiety. Still to this day I do not know if my husband has ever gone in his life. Every morning he enters the bathroom, locks the door and turns on either the faucet or the shower. Who knows - maybe he is a time traveler and the running water is the catalyst. He has very specific parameters of where he can go to the bathroom when on trips. The only acceptable place for such an act is the hotel bathroom. I think he has gone days without just for this reason. If the urge comes on without the right outlets in place then his body is out of luck.

My daughter's classroom has a bathroom that is right next to all the desks. She says that she just cannot stand the thought of going there. So, the moment she gets home she has her after-school poop (we sometimes sing a song called 'Poopy time' to celebrate the occasion)- a moment of pure relief from the anxiety of holding it in all day. One of my dearest friends in high school would always do the same. We would walk home from school together and then he would disappear for 15 minutes when we got to his house.

Your prim and proper mother does it. Your teachers, friends, colleagues and bosses do, too. Every famous person goes everyday, just like you. Come to terms and let go of the inhibition!

You may have poop anxiety if you do any of the following:

• Can only go at home.
• When in public restrooms can only go if no one else is there.
• Let half of it out only to squeeze your bumhole for a break off because it has been just too long and someone might find you out.
• Flush the moment the first one falls.
• Use different toilets or bathrooms at work so you do not become 'known' as the work-shitter.
• Turn on the faucet or shower to mask any noise.
• Have left a party or event because of having to go.
• Wait for someone else to flush before you do.

Defecating, although it may seem like a funny topic, is actually an important action that is necessary for health and vitality. If you hold it in then you are also holding in the waste, congestion, excess mucous, fat and toxins that your body is trying to get rid of.  Here are some of the benefits of letting it go:

• More energy
• Feeling lighter 
• Weight management
• Stronger immunity
• Relaxation
• Clearer mind
• Clearer skin

I challenge you to go when you feel the need!

Nat