The real highlight of my New Year's was the night before instigating a nutrition experiment with my daughter as the prime subject.
Even though I teach how important it is to reject the diet mentality I am vigilant about what makes its way into my household and even more anal about what my daughter has her pick of (cinnamon roll from the coffee shop? no way!). I have felt that I have gained such a intricate level of awareness about food that I must know what is best for her. I am realizing that I may have been wrong. There are plenty of studies that are now showing that children who have parents who monitor or control their diet have a greatly increased chance of becoming overweight or developing an eating disorder. In fact, in my training and research in intuitive and conscious eating I have seen such powerful and consistent evidence that supports one simple truth: true health with food starts with complete allowance to discover it for oneself.
I decided it was time to fess up. I knew that I had to let go and allow my daughter Cammie to discover her own inner feelings with food. Even though my work with adults has shown amazing results from such an approach, I was still terrified. I questioned whether, because she is a child, she had the capacity to withhold the desire to eat twinkies and pizza for every meal and not put herself in a nutrient-deficiency coma. Alas, though, I reminded myself that this does works. The reason why is simple. The human body is magnificently wise. When a child perceives that something is no longer withheld they no longer feel the need to seek it out and gorge. They really and truly believe that the opportunity to have that experience is always available; why obsess or over emphasize it? Not controlling their diet communicates that we do trust their innate knowing and they begin to believe that they can trust themselves as well. This sets the stage for looking inward for answers and guidance rather than into the imperfect world of external monitoring systems (calorie counting or point systems). Wouldn't we rather awaken their natural internal health barometer?
As parents it is our job not to dictate rules and regulations. We are to help them discover the tools and assets that are already within them that they can use to journey through their life with joy and passion.
This challenge is just like the challenge I give to clients who are trying to lose weight, gain weight or develop a healthier relationship with food; eat what you love, love what you eat and allow yourself to experience both unconditionally. I know.... woah.
Yesterday was the first day in the challenge. I had Cammie write down all the foods that she loved (and I specified also to include foods that she thought were 'unhealthy' or 'forbidden' in the household because this was about discovering her pleasures). I explained the exercise that we were doing; that there are foods that feed our body and foods that are for 'play' (there are no good or bad foods). This new experience was a way of discovering more of her 'play' foods. Below is what she wrote down:
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| Yes, she wrote wine. She is Italian! |
For dinner she had a big smoothie. She loved making it with me, feeling like she had created the meal from start to finish. Both my husband and I scowled a bit silently at the thought of something so light and sweet for dinner but we persevered. After she was done she wanted ice cream with chocolate chips. It took her about a half an hour to eat it and she relished every bite. She looked absolutely blissed out. She ended up leaving chocolate chips in the bowl because she felt that she was totally done.
I ate my salad with fresh onions, red bell peppers, grated carrot and beet, olives, avocado and baby spinach a bit later. She approached me from behind leaning her head on my shoulder peering up at me with a face of want. At first I thought she was joking. She usually does this when I am eating something sweet and decadent to signal that she fancies a bite. On further inspection I realized that she really did want a bite. I gave her some. She ended up eating half my salad with a diverse range of vegetables that she usually never touches.What happened?
When we are allowed the freedom to experience desire and know that we are not deprived we no longer make decisions from a place of lack and longing; we make decisions from a place of true nourishment. Cammie was listening to her body because she experienced pleasure from being in it. It is a balance of 'play' food and 'nourishing' food that institutes a health.
We still have a long way to go together but this was the first step in rehabilitating my role as the 'nutrition rules' mother into a 'nourishing mother.' I hope to help her reveal the skills of inner guidance, body awareness and calm pleasure in the process - because I believe those are more important than any number or figure that exists in the diet world.
Instead of 'diet' resolutions here are some that empower you to discover your own intuitive health:
- I commit myself to restrict nothing.
- I give myself permission to unconditionally eat any food that I desire.
- I listen to my body, down to every cell, to give it what it needs.
- I revel in the pleasure of food.
- I enjoy the pleasure of my body.
- I move my body but do not abuse it.
To a new year of allowance and pleasure!
Nat
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