Ah, the days of obsession. The cabbage soup diet, no-fat-gram diet and restricted calorie diet; these were the days of pure elation with the idea of a quick fix and pure dread realizing it never was.
Never could I have imagined that one day I would be able to straddle the ground of being unapologetic in my love for food while also fully loving my body. Yesterday was a case in point.
My husband and I met for lunch yesterday at the Berryvale cafe. I got some smoked salmon that I put on top of a fresh beet and caper salad and he chose a kale salad and a piece of polenta pizza. All in all we had nearly the same amount of food.
I chose a table that was basking in the sunlight. The yellow glass table top was warm to the touch and as I sat down I felt at ease and comfortable. As I always do, I drank a big glass of water before eating. I have this weird compulsive nature when drinking my water before a meal. I tend to make the goal of drinking it all at once (16 ounces this time) in one fell swoop. I see my husband's smirk as he positions his face near the bottom of my elevated and emptying cup, face distorted through the textured plastic. I move the cup, still gulping to see him through the corner of my eye. He darts to the same bottom-of-the-glass position again making a face that looked like Rocky from The Mask. I had to hold in my laugh.
"Are you sure that is enough?" He says with a mischievous smile. I place the cup down feeling hydrated and ready to eat.
Our conversation during a sit down meal is always inspiring. We talk about philosophy, politics, spirituality and meaning in everyday life. Eating with him or my family feels so right. I feel that I am not only receiving nutrition from my food but also from the emotional connection. Today was no different.
As we banter back and forth I place the pieces of salmon on top of the beet salad, developing just the right portion with each bite. I let each forkful be chewed and swallowed before I move on to choosing the next bite. I take in small amounts so that I have the chance to retort his points (he should have been a lawyer, he is so darn good at arguing his theoretical case) without a full mouth. By the time 20 minutes has gone by I look down and am amazed that only half of my meal is gone.
"Wow... you eat slow." My husband said.
"I was not conscious of it. Just enjoying it I guess." I continue eating and he starts fidgeting, squirming in his chair like a schoolboy ready for recess. I look over at him and there are two empty paper containers, already set aside and folded for neatness. "Your already done?"
"Uh... yeah." In this moment I realized that something was changing. It was usually me that would finish first and wait for him to sift through his meal. The days when we lived on Hawaii and frequented the same restaurant in Hanalei - I would gulf down the rice and sweet and sour chicken like it was the end of the world. Somehow I had changed. I had realized that faster eating was not better eating and that in fact it was detrimental to positive sensation. He sat there opposite me experiencing only half the enjoyment I was because his meal was already gone. 'The slower that we go, the more taste and texture we can experience,' I thought to myself.
Through studying and teaching awake eating I had become a healthy eater, really and truly. It was no longer a conscious process of reminding myself to slow down and feel. I naturally inhabited my body. I felt light and free; my body not bound by dissatisfaction or unending desire.
"I feel full. I will save the other half for later." I packaged up the remainder. I couldn't believe that with how hungry I was when I sat down that I was satisfied and full of energy from just half the portion that was served.
As we left the deli the accomplishment I felt could have engulfed the world. A healthy and joyful eating experience may sound simple to some but is most likely not achieved for the majority of us. It is a big deal when you feel freed from a self-induced slumber of numbness and can awaken to the natural bodily feelings of pleasure.
Do you want to be an Awake Eater? Here are some of the qualities that personify this condition:
- Giving yourself essential nutrition.
- Giving yourself permission to eat what you want.
- Choosing food you like.
- Letting go of 'food rules' (there is no forbidden food).
- Enjoying the process of eating.
- Knowing how to eat.
- Eating when you are hungry.
- Continuing until you are satisfied.
- Understanding when you are full.
- Trusting your body to give you signals.
- Eating for physical rather than emotional reasons.
I believe that eating is a biologically embedded moment allotted for us to take care of ourselves and listen. Are you giving yourself this chance? At your next meal or snack I challenge you to slow down and revel in what you are eating knowing that the longer you linger the more enjoyment you receive. This practice can also happen to change your life.
Nat
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