Day 4 - Worrywort

When I was 12 I went to a psychologist for severe anxiety that had progressed into agoraphobia. I worried constantly, keeping myself up at night. I bothered over the next day of school, the upcoming field trip or the inevitable moment where I would have to learn how to stall a plane (funny, I know but I had chosen the career of being a fighter pilot). My childhood was to a large degree defined by the overwhelming sense that something was wrong.

I vividly remember a moment in a therapy session. The psychologist said that worrying had no purpose for me and that because of this I should begin to let it go. 

"But worrying is a process of preparation." I said. "It helps me prepare for the unknown in life. If I don't worry than I will be at the whim of what is to come. I will have no idea what happened until it hits me."

The therapist paused and gently replied, "What are you preparing for? What is it that you are afraid of?"

"I don't know. Anything I suppose. So much can happen that I am not prepared for."

"Like what?"

I paused and thought. I felt so silly talking about the anxiety because the deeper we went the more irrational it seemed. I was used to being able to analyze my way out of things. "I guess I am afraid that I will have no way out. At a sleepover in the middle of the night I will be the only one awake, the only one that exists. I wont be able to leave if I want to. At the movies I will inconvenience other people and be judged for needing to walk out. I am afraid....because I do not think I can trust other people to care."

At the time I was prescribed Valium. I remember sitting at the foot of my parent's bed after returning from the pharmacy. I had the orange pill in my hand and I looked at it with a sense of indignation. Why was I taking this medication? What was the point of altering my brain chemistry if I did not get to the root issue that is causing the problem? Maybe it was my worrywort nature that prevented me from taking it. I flushed it down the toilet and went to bed. 

Looking back it is all clear to me. Somehow I had acquired beliefs about myself and life that naturally led to my fear and anxiousness about daily living. It was not until I began to change my perspective on myself and life that my experience of such fear and doubt was able to wane.

Our beliefs are essentially thoughts that we think repeatedly. Our thoughts are a part of nutrition because we consume them everyday and they can become a part of us just as much as any foodstuff. Beliefs either nourish us or deplete us. Here were some of mine, along with beliefs that I used (and still use to this day) to counter the irrational one:

• I am not safe. vs. I am always safe because I choose to take care of myself.
• I cannot trust other people to care. vs. I am always supported.
• Food makes me fat. vs. Food nourishes and feeds me. I can choose how to use it.
• My body's reactions are uncontrollable. vs. I choose how I react to situations and circumstances.
• Living life is scary. vs. I can create any life experience that I want.
• I hate my body and the way it looks. vs. My body is a wondrous vehicle that I use to feel and experience life.  

I had a journey ahead of me to discover my true potential. It involved listening to, honoring and respecting my physical body. I learned about how to cherish and inhabit my body by becoming aware of its emotional signals (feeling bad and subsequently finding a lasting solution) and physical signals (noticing my hunger and fullness, as well as the joy of movement).

When you find that you are worrying or are anxious about a loved one, a coming meeting presentation or the way your body looks investigate what beliefs are in a holding pattern in your head. Emotion is always predetermined by what it is that you accept in thought form. Ask yourself the following questions to shift your energy from worry to resolution:

1. What is it that I am worried/afraid/concerned/doubtful about? (i.e. getting fat)
2. What beliefs do I have that support this anxiety? Why do I think this fear could happen or already is happening? (i.e. because I have no will power and food is the enemy)
3. What beliefs can I use to replace the ones above? (i.e. I have the ability to listen to and take care of my body. Food nourishes my body and makes it beautiful. I am capable of making decisions for my own well being.)
4. Write down the old beliefs and the new ones. Carry this around with you whenever you find that you fall back into a state of anxiety to gently alter your beliefs about yourself and life.

If I can do it, you can too.

Nat

Click here to read an article on the importance of seeing a Nutritionist and having a support system in reaching your goals.